Surrounded by Beauty. Surrounded by Assholes.

The South Florida metropolitan area is virtually an island. To our east, we have the Atlantic ocean. To the west, we have the Everglades. Land developers are only allowed to build so far west because people finally realized that maybe we shouldn’t wipe-out one of the most diverse ecosystems in the United States. This causes the area to be very densely populated since they try to get as much as they can out of the now limited area they can build on. So the area goes from east to west: beach, populated area, and then it ends abruptly at the swamp. I live near the swamp. My house is about as far west as you can possibly get in Broward County.

I actually think the Everglades are (is?) beautiful. And in my area, they did manage to keep a few acres here and there natural and devoid of houses or strip malls. That doesn’t sound like much but for the concrete jungle that is South Florida, it’s like being in a Hippie colony. This particular area that I live in also has a lot of artificial beauty. All of the streets are lined with huge, beautiful palm trees, and the landscaping in the area is very nice. So it’s beauty via trees and plants, but they were not there naturally. Either way it’s very nice. And if you are into birds and that sort of thing, they are all over the place. Big cranes, egrets, ibises or whatever they are called can be seen flying around and killing stuff in those preserved natural spaces I was talking about. They are very cool. All of the homes and businesses are relatively new (no more than 10 years old if that) and strict community codes ensure that all of the yards are immaculate in appearance.

"Your lawn is overgrown by .25 mm. Resolve this issue immediately or WE WILL RESOLVE IT FOR YOU" -Homeowners Association President Heinrich Himmler

But as is the case with much of suburbia across the country, all is not as perfect as it seems. About a week ago someone decided to steal the rims off of my next door neighbors truck. My neighbor seems like a nice guy, but I have no idea what his name is. Of course that’s part of the problem. I’m not saying that nobody knows each other’s name here (I’m just really bad about that stuff) but I don’t get the sense that anyone REALLY knows their neighbors very well in this area. And I’d bet my life that 99% of the people don’t know half of the other folks names on their own block. A big part of that has to do with this being a very new community. It’s not like families have had generations to bond with each other since this area was swampland a decade ago. So I feel really bad for my neighbor because I’m sure he has to be not only wondering who did this, but could it be someone who lives in the same subdivision? Or the same street? It wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Not knowing your neighbors very well is one thing. Rampant douchebaggery is another. And we have a surplus of that in western Miramar as well. There is a gas station across the street when you leave the sub division. Being that it’s the closest place for me to get gas or buy cigarettes, I’m there every day, sometimes more than once a day. And half the time I’m there the following scenario plays out: Some asshat, usually in a really expensive car or SUV, pulls into the station with their radio playing at the same volume as an F-16 at takeoff. And that’s fine, we all like to blast the radio now and then. But then they pull up to the pump or grab a parking space, leave the car on with the windows down, and the radio at full blast. Immensely annoying, but I can get over it. What I cannot get over is that it is often the radio un-friendly version of a song that I think many parents would rather their kids not hear. Look, I grew up listening to hip-hop and I’ve heard just about everything. Hell, I can remember when 2 Live Crew’s album was literally banned from stores down here and going to a friend’s house to listen to it because he was able to buy it when he went to the Bahamas. So that stuff doesn’t offend me. But it does offend a lot of people and if you can’t understand that or just don’t care then please, go fuck yourself.

Once you leave the gas station your life is in immediate danger. I’m only half-joking. Road rage is a big problem in South Florida. And it’s not just limited to the major highways. People around here drive with a hostility that’s impossible to describe. I swear that I’m not trying to be dramatic when I say that there is a palpable sense of hatred that’s directed toward you on the road. And unfortunately, sometimes it continues off the road as well. I won’t even get into the fights that happen in the parking lot at the Super Target down the street.

I don’t know what the reason is for all of this hostility. I go back to people not really knowing each other all that well. And I don’t get the sense that anyone really wants to get to know each other. Like I said, I’m guilty of this as well. But with people like this living around you, would you really want to get to know them either?